I've unearthed chapter two of my final year's Maternity: The Series blog post. You can read chapter one here. Enjoy!
Chapter Two: Specimen
Specimen A: Fat, Fertile, Females
You’d think they’d be
a merry bunch of moms-to-be, glowing with a wonderful radiance of baby joy,
light from their happy faces turning everything into gold or sparkly unicorns
or Ribeena.
But no.
Bellies protruding, shalwars askew
They’re busy sharing their blood-curdling cries with the general room.
They’ve stuff ranging
every shape, size and colour popping out of them any place, any time, the
hygienest of which is their urine dripping Foleys.
Specimen B: Nazi Nurses
A sisterhood to beware of, competent yet sulky
They’re a right cross between Hitler and Hulky.*
Nurses. The ultimate
power steaming houses of the ward. Smile at them and they’ll teach you how to
pass an IV. Frown and you’ve earned yourself the fury of the Fuehrer. Naughty, Nazi Nurses.
*Hulky: a female
counterpart of the Hulk.**
**Yeah it’s on the lame
side… but jeez I had to rhyme.
Specimen C: Bachelorette PGs
Mad on the inside, fuming on the out
Give it up for livid banshees who scold and shout!
I’m not sure if it’s
the tough schedule that they have, the illiterate patients that they have to
deal with, too many females being cramped up in too little a space or the fact
that the fingers they’re using to deliver kids are still ring less. Probably an
amalgam of everything mentioned. With a few exceptions, most of the PGs are livid. Irate. Furious. I’ve
never seen doctors this rude ever. They yell, shout, holler at the poor moms-to-be,
curse them for not arranging blood on time and when scrape goat med kids are in
sight… well you can guess what happens. You wilt faster than you can say salted
earthworms. So beware the Bellowing Banshees!
